| I have been struggling with myself for pretty long now where to work. After finishing my Psychology-Diploma I was determined to throw away all idealism and BE IN IT FOR THE MONEY => to work as a psychologist in business, in the Human Ressources Area or for a Consulting Company (which in both cases means: you rather diagnose to fire than to hire and are not so much on the good side). So I applied for jobs in this field, I got job interviews - and I instantly loathed the people there, the entire atmosphere there made me shiver.
I was pretty desperate, because I didn't know where to go from there.
I cannot go into Clinical Psychology right now. With all the stuff going on with my Mom (and still some of my own old wounds just about to heal), I feel that right now I am not ready to start a Therapy-Education. Also I don't have the money (it would cost about 20 000 Euros).
I have always been prophesied by people that I would end up working at university and becoming a Prof. Well, I have never felt much of a genius in me for research. I believe researchers must be called for research, full of brilliance and genius ideas and insights. I am more about observing society, talking to people, reading novels, watching movies :) Meaning: I don’t read science stuff voluntarily, and I don’t feel I am a very scientific person. Maybe more in an every-day-philosophical kind of way.
Anyways. With Business and Clinical Psych ruled out, I applied at a university for a researcher-post combined with the possibility to do a PHD. In a Social Psychology Program (because that is the field in Psychology I feel most prone to). And the interview was fun. Really. I was awestruck. It was like a nice little (scientific) chit-chat-discussion (about why men fear male gays more than women fear female gays- I said: Maybe because men fear that women would sometimes like men to have some stereotypical „male-gay“ qualities like listening, being romantic etc. while women think that men not so much want women to have stereotypical „female-gay“ qualities like being tough and manly (except for the obsession many men have with female-gay-sex-sessions they can take part in muahaha)- so men feel more threatened by male gays than women feel by female gays)
I liked the Prof and the PhD-guy. They were about Psychology and Society and Stereotypes and all the stuff that got me into Psychology.
And they hired me right away.
So I will move to Jena. For the first two months I am living in a furnitured room in a 3-bedroom-Apartment together with 2 students (25 and 18). Then I will have to find an apartment for myself - which will be difficult, living space for rent is very rare in Jena (due to the many students there).
It is only a 50%-post, so I will be „dirt-poor“, but it is better than nothing. And it is still pretty close to my home-town, about 2.5 hours by car, so I will be able to get here at the weekends to see S. and my Mom.
I am scared like shit of course. Whether I will be good enough to handle this job. Whether I will be able to come up with a PhD-Project-Idea. Plus: meeting so many new people.
And not being able to be there for my Mom during the week.
And S.
Still, I know, this is a good chance, and it is a good compromise between all my current needs. Closeness to my hometown and such. And also I feel that after all Social Psychology is a thing very close to my heart and my ideals (changing the world in a way that people get along more peacefully and respectfully with each other)
There we go. Here, you see. My damned ideals. Just can’t kill them.
I know it is unrealistic to think I will be able to fulfill them. But that’s the thing about dreams and ideals. They send you on your way.
So tons of things to do waiting for me. The job starts on Monday 17th. | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | News on TV | | Subject: | Blasphemy | | Time: | 12:46 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/aggravated.gif) aggravated |
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| My head is killing me, as does the weather. I am scared this steam-filled kettle on my shoulders might explode any minute.
At least the goddamn (excuse me) Catholic World Youth Day is over. If I had to see only one more euphoric hypocritical report on happy-hippo-clappy-dancy-pope-keen-none-brain-using young-catholics, I would go ballistic.
Is that the role of young people in the catholic church ? Dance and chant and faint over the Pope ?
There was no real discussion about topics young (active) people had chosen in advance. Catholic Reformer Groups like We Are Church (demanding the Pope to declare using condoms as a catholic duty) and Women's Dignitiy (working in the field of advising women before abortions) were not even allowed to take part !
I hate this hypocritic shit.
Sorry, I do not want to offend anybody's religious feelings.
But, I really don't think Jesus would be too happy...
Damn right, that was blasphemy. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:08 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/sleepy.gif) sleepy |
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| I MUST have the sleeping disease.
Maybe it is just my inner resistance against this whole job-hunting-thing that makes me feel like sleeping all day long.
And the weather is just bah, makes my energies all shut down like for winter sleep... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 09:50 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/cranky.gif) cranky |
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| Oh my. I had application pictures taken today.
Oh my my my.
The photographer made me sit in the weirdest positions and then keep it like that until (minutes later) she had found some necessary stuff for taking the photo - over and over again ! Until I looked really stiff and tensed. The photos are horrid. And so expensive, it is a shame.
I am feeling really ugly and inept right now.
I _HATE_ applying for jobs. You hear me ? | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | boiling water (cooking eggs) | | Time: | 12:22 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/gloomy.gif) gloomy |
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| So it is official. Our parliament has been dissolved. There will be new elections in a couple of months.
They say it is because the government (social democratic) lacks the majorities to work effectively. Well, I am not sure that this problem will change with new elections. On the opposite, I am pretty sure Germany will elect the Conservatives into government this time, just because economy got worse when the social democrats were in charge. *sighs * Good-bye to the social democratic-Green-coalition.
How did our President put it so nicely in his speech to the people ? Germany’s future is at stake. *sighs deeply again * I GUESS SO.
In other news, it is full moon and I am especially touchy and vulnerable today and need love and cuddling.
Aaaaaaaaand tomorrow and Saturday I will attend some sort of Seminar at the Centre of Dialysis.
I hope Sunday will make up for it…
PS: Oh my gosh, I just read it, bombs exploded in London AGAIN ??? | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| Doctor, can I please have this awful pain-thing inside me amputated ?
Don't want it anyfuckinmore.
Sure would like to donate it for some heartless bastard who could need some emotions... | | comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment |
| I don't know what to say. Except for scream and cry. I am so shocked and sad. And so angry. (It is creepy how the vicious cycle of violence works. Right now I feel so much hate inside of me, it is scary.)
And so sad sad sad.
Above all I am so sorry for all the people affected.
My thoughts are with the families and friends who lost beloved ones. I am so sorry sorry sorry. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the spinning of my head | | Subject: | rant about exams | | Time: | 04:13 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/infuriated.gif) infuriated |
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| I realize that the longterm-memory is said to be nearly endless in ins capacity.
BUT COME ON.
8000 pages ? LEARN 8000 pages ???? Not just read them but actually learn them for having them as actively reproducable knowledge in an oral exam
If this is what our politicians aim at when talking about „sorting out the best from the mediocre“ – hah – why not give us some viruses or some poison – and see who survives it ? Would be darvinism too…
Fuck you people who have made these exam rules. I wish I could quit.
But if I make this, you got me inside your system. And I will fuck you up, I swear. | | comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | TSUNAMI | | Time: | 11:03 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/crushed.gif) crushed |
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| 80 000 people died.
80 000.
80 000 !!!
I get the shivers trying to grasp that. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Merry Christmas to everybody ! I hope you have some nice and cozy holidays and you can spend them with someone you like ! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:59 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/cold.gif) cold |
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| | It is freaking cold --- and later tonight I will meet some old friends of mine at the Christmas market. Which is OUTDOORS. They are not living in Erlangen anymore, but working all over Germany and in Switzerland, so I haven't seen them for ages. They are in town for Christmas to see their families. Is that growing up ? Seeing your friends during holidays because you got splattered all over the country work-related ? Anyways, we will drink GLÜHWEIN (that is hot red wine with lots of winter spices in it like cinnamon and clove) and I will freeze my ass off and stop having sensations in my hands. Oh gotta love winter time ! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | last christmas | | Subject: | encore, encore ! | | Time: | 11:32 am | | Current Mood: | militant |
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| Alright, I am ready to take off for Christmas shopping, I am armed to the teeth and not willing to take shit from ANY FUCKING GROUCHY X-MAS SHOPPER NOR SHOP-ASSISTANT !!!!
Here I come, you better take cover and vacate the way to the good stuff !
(Shopping downtown on the Saturday before Christmas is like the final battle in Braveheart, I tell ya) (which reminds me to put on blue make-up) | | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
| Really bad idea: Keep frozen chicken on your balcony just because it is below 0°C. Obviously the sun shining onto my balcony yesterday at noon (yeah, we actually really had like 2 hours of sunshine yesterday. w00t) was enough to, well, induce, health-damaging subsances in it. I guess it semi-melted... So I had chicken for dinner last night - and spent all night in my bathroom, puking like hell. I bet that made my neighbour really interested in meeting me. He.
Feeling great totday :/ Will never eat chicken again. Ever. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | blonde red head | | Subject: | Warming up | | Time: | 01:51 am | | Current Mood: | procrastinating |
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| This is no real update yet. I am just readapting to kind-of-updating ;)
I have another Diploma Exam next week. On December 2nd. Keep your fingers crossed for me please ? After that I will update for real. I promise.
Like in: I promise to study real hard. Ha ha ha ...
Why do I suck so much when it comes to studying ?
center>Measure Your Fears - Would You, Wouldn't You, You Did | Created by beindthecurtain and taken 3541 times on bzoink! | | Pet a snake | would (unless the snake is poisonous) | | Spend a week in an empty room | wouldn't | | Ride in a hot-air balloon | would love to | | Sky dive | oh yeah I would | | Sing in front of a huge audience | did | | scuba dive | would | | Sit in the front seat of a roller coaster | would | | Deliver a baby | would | | Swim across the Amazon River | wouldn't | | Change careers | would | | Disappear for a long period of time | kind of do it all the time | | Walk through the forest alone at night | did | | Join a space mission | would | | Tell everyone what you honestly think of them | am doing it | | Call off your wedding | I don't think I would have to if I choose well | | Walk naked through New York City for 10 minutes during rush hour | never | | Walk up to Mike Tyson and call him a girl | ha ha ha wouldn't | | Disarm a bomb | wouldn't | | CLean the outside windows of a skyscraper | wouldn't | | Draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa with a permanent marker | rather do that to Bush live | | Go on tour with Elvis | excuse me ? | | Go swimming during a thunder storm | did | | Preform surgury on your best friend | wouldn't | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
| | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | fuck | | Time: | 11:21 pm |
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| I am crumbling. Don't know why. I am loosing control and I hate it, especially since I am always trying to keep everything under MY control. And now my body is just deserting. My immune system is totally pooping out on me.
My body is aching like hell. I just came back from the hospital. Kidney infection.
Give me a break okay ?
I missed the second exam in a row due to sickness. I never should have accepted to sign up for these exams so quickly after coming back here, a task that simply was not possible to be done. But of course, the thickhead I am, I accepted the challenge - and now the stress is breaking my body.
Everybody who felt neglected by me in the last couple of weeks, I am sorry.
In other notes: How much can a human being possible drink before they wanna puke (mind that: I am talking about NON-alcolhol) ?
My belly is all splish-splash-watery. Yay for kidney infections :/
And screw darn Bavarian German rigid bureaucracy. Geez, sonetimes I really hate this country.
*end of rant and whiny sickness report* | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| rain rain rain
so much rain
but it soothes my mind
And so many thousand pages left to read. My eyes are so fed up. And my brain literally closes up and feels like vomitting. Can you overfeed your mind ? I am literally trembling with brain-exhaustion.
And am burning for some ... LIVING... | | comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment |
| So alright.
Got the results from the „skin cancer operation“. Results are okay. Means: Stuff was changing, turning over, but no malign melanoma yet.
I guess that’s yay.
*hm*
Cannot even really mind, am too stressed out about this freaking Diploma. Thinking about putting it off. But that would make one semester more....
What is more important ?
Having gone to school one semester less - Or having a better grade in your final examination ? | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
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traumtanzerin's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/rushed.gif){kind=small}
rushed and nervous![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/tired.gif){kind=small}
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sick